When I was 13, I landed with my first airflight ever into a place that looked like paradise.

 Before that I was certain I was going to die and that this big flying machine that did an awful noise was some sort of people shredder for those who wanted to leave the “best country in the world” as a punishment, or a karmic fate sent by our Nation Father, Nicole Ceausescu- as many dreadful stories marked our collective and daily tales of those who tried to flee, I truly thought it was our turn-

I couldn’t have dreamed of such a place because not even on TV were we allowed to see how it really looked like in the West. The Great Socialist Republic of Romania was supposed to be “the best place in the word”. Mass propaganda was teaching us, the young generations, that we “the pioneers” lived & severed the best place on Earth. There was actually no comparison point to tell as a matter of fact, our tiny black & white TV was censoring any western content and was broadcasting 2 hours each day communist content, of each 1 was a talk of our ‘beloved’ Nation Father). My parents knew it wasn’t but for a child we grow up with this deeply anchored belief and learn to call the Leader our Father.

My idea of paradise was never so bold to imagine that we can see stores everywhere full of food every single where, with full shelves (seriously, 2 shelves was the max I grew up seeing and they were always empty), and several levels and escalators with different sectors and departments and no one was getting killed for taking them!

That was a shock of the West.

After landing, I was officially in another world and my eyes were first caught by the abundant food stores: ‘OMG, look people are not even fighting, they pass by and let you have them! You have all sort of packed food! And bananas! Like on Tarzan Film! and what are all these other weird colorful fruits?” I was so astonished.

“Look, no queues, no dying and screaming people, where are we, mum??!”

We landed in Switzerland.

My eyes were over solicited, buzzing everywhere like a kid at an entrainment park. There was so much, everywhere, that I almost fainted in the first supermarket we visited. I don’t know if it was out of emotional eagerness or lights, smell of plastic and conditioning air. Probably because of both.

I asked my parents for 3 skirts, 2 Tshirts and a few bananas because I never had bananas and they were such an exotic and unlikely thing to have outside Trazan’s jungle. They were delicious.

Later, we had dinner that night with my parents- I was so hungry. The table was full with different things ,ranging from vegetables, fried chicken, you name it! Never had I seen a table so abundant, or very rarely on special occasions and celebration back in my country. After tasting a bit of everything I stuffed myself with half a butter plate and 1 entire bread.

And that’s ALL I kept eating for my first months there. All the rest tasted like plastic to me, literally.

How can all be SO PRETTY and enticing and taste so bad? I “malnourished” myself like this for months with extra swiss chocolate (1-2. Plates per day) because frankly I couldn’t eat anything else.

I wasn’t complaining at all whatsoever. I was very content. But my parents somehow were worried for me. Honestly, I was ok with bread and butter. I grew up with having most of the days tea and bread, I didn’t feel a conscious lack of anything. My stomach was getting something and I was then free to play, learn and study. But couldn’t eat the rest out there.

We had arrived during summer and 2 months later, I entered main stream school directly – without skipping a class, luckily. At the 4 pm break, every kid had brought his/her own break treats. They unwrapped it in front of others and started to eat, while facing each other in the recreational space.

How weird. Do they play? Do they talk? Or they just sit there, eat and stare at each other? I was confused. I’m not used to look at someone’s eating. I’m used to sharing anything from play, to toys and food. So I asked a classmate if they could share they chocolate with me. The answer cut deep like a knife : “NO. Get you own!”

I was in shock. He was serious and holding tight to his treats.

With my neighborhood friends, kids on the block, living in the slams of Bucharest, we always shared our food with others. If I had a tomatoes (my regular 4 pm break treat), I’d give half of it to who asked for it. I had a football (very rare thing to own), I’d share it with a mate. As teens we were still doing that and adults were used to the same practice. We often had the door unlocked in the day, because unsafety was never an issue, we all knew each other and owned roughly the same things- and our neighbors used to knock and enter our house quickly, regardless if we were home or now, to leave some food on the kitchen table: ‘Here, we made this today, have some! See ya!”

That kid was surely not trying to be mean. He grew up like that. it was normal for him. Like for me the opposite was normal. But I took it very personal somehow, left me to be a wounded kid facing her first rejection slaps in in her first steps towards integration and friends making.

I discovered the concept of value based on what you wear and how you look in the days that followed. There was some called ‘brands’ that made you look popular or some ways of being or doing that were popular like smoking, bullying the awkward, doing drugs or having sex the earliest possible. I soon realized how wearing a uniform had been making me happy, accepted and equal and how having good grades was rewarded in the communist school back home, but bashed upon when I was praised by the teacher at any point –

I soon missed my empty-shelves paradise. My candle light homework days, my outdoors playing evenings with my mates in my holed un-branded shoes, my overcrowded birthday parties with those who popped from 10 blocks away by because they heard there was a birthday party (we never refused them, they had all the cake but it was ok), my cheering friends and their easy laughter and games imagination, my tasty tea and bread meals and school lessons that glued me to the teacher’s mouth.

I didn’t want to go to school anymore. My grades were going down the hill, following the same level trend of my school’s subjects & content & teacher’s competence.

I was in a class that was teaching English at a level of ‘I AM, YOU ARE, HE IS…” coming from a country where I was watching all English movies in subtitles. My English was surely at a conversational level at least, although German wasn’t and did nothing but tortured me more as it was pushed down our throat for 8 years – because it’s a local language so you didn’t choose. (Technically, Italian is as well, but it was never an option, learning it would have made my school days less haunting and less traumatic; my apology to all German speakers, I guess we all have languages we digest more than others).  

I soon sank into depression. I had left my country as top-class student (decorated with the top medal reward) and here I was now, classified as incapable by the Class Main Teacher, stigmatized as amongst the last ones, and forecasted to never make it beyond a manual / apprentice type of profession so I ‘should resign and accept it’, advised my teacher to my parents during a school meeting.

“She needs to stop dreaming of university and higher education really, it ‘d be best for her if she accepted it.

Luckily my parents knew what was going on and how my brain was slowly dying, freezing and overdosing with 1^th grade content in a 6^st grade class level. They knew I was in the wrong school, in the wrong system, with the wrong teachers and their support was enough to make me rage through these painful years and not succumb to a fatal brain retardment. 

A few decades later, my idea of paradise, democracy and freedom have certainly changed a great deal since my teenage years. Or let’s say that my expectations of what the Western Dream was or how it was sold to me by the Ultimate Dream of crossing to the West of adults, changed.

I look at Diaspora today around me, living in their golden cage, electricity & heat running through their houses, feeding their kids bananas, kiwi, mangos and other exotic fruits, cars parked outside the house, color flat TVs with over 300 channels, new shoes & smartphones every couple of year, in the ‘security’ of a more expensive type of prison for sure, but golden, shiny and impressive on the surface nevertheless.

Their hard & constant work is the only guarantee they will not end up homeless (which was never an occurrence during our communism – all people were provided with the minimum basic needs, no exceptions), so they slave away for a system of social status segregation, main stream schooling and main stream media that shape people’s minds to act in a certain way, to learn in a certain way, and to relate to others in a certain way, so that it keeps them forever chained to the ‘National Father Provider’ ,to a  Wizard of the OZ pulling the strings of Fear of precarity behind the curtains of DEMOCRACY, banks and corporations to make you see and want the gold, and believe you have included the opportunities, the safety and the freedom of a Great Democracy –

 But in fact, before you die, you wake up and realize that the promise were nothing than a Sweet Dream of  Golden Cage promised in your lifetime in a pack of Lies.

Introduction

Before I start telling you how 3 months after carrying breathing difficulties I almost died, lets be honest for a minute. This stupid virus will be around forever. 

Oh sure, you can tell me about amazing vaccines & their upcoming improvement, about its natural disappearance after a while, great drugs that will dimmish the spread and everything you want: at the end of the day, not all countries are equal.

Indeed, in a travelling world some regions of the world will still circulate it and pass it on. Even if it will be drastically reduced because we are wildly vaccinating big chunks of the developing worlds (and I’m leaving to the side the whole debate on successful vaccinations and mutating variants and all the new dramas we hear every day), well even then, we will still find it around (or variants of it).

Ebola is still around despite a vaccine, isn’t it? (2014-2016 outbreak). I only believe in people’s adaptation or in herd immunization, not so much in vaccines that seem to chase the tail of a monkey infinitely as the virus variates (flu vaccine apparently took 30 yrs to be stabilized and its regularly updated and STILL we have people getting the flu despite their yearly vaccination). Anyhow, nothing its perfect nor it will ever be, so lets dive deep into the facts of a pandemic that seems to creates way more damage than the ‘old, vulnerable, at risk person’ that we need to protect collectively.

I will tell you about my own experience and cannot speak for others, and before I start, I’d also like to make a disclaimer and state that:  I’m not a doctor and anything you find here, its not a medical advice.  

My AHA MOMENT – learning about Multisystem Inflamatory Syndrome

I woke up one day recently and I saw an article on social media about a 9 yr old who died from what they called  “covid-19 complications’. I normally don’t read sensationalist or fear-generating news but this time for some reason, I clicked on it. I was almost about to attack and comment : “BS, stop spreading fear and exceptions! And we don’t die from Covid we die from underlying causes. Highlight that!” Man, did I know what I was talking about…. I didn’t troll on it and instead opened it and read it because I don’t want to be one of those jerks trolling before reading.

As a matter of fact, I have been very vocal and defensive about main stream media and how they phrase death reports accusing them of not giving us the full picture or exaggerating the deaths counts for political reasons. I even had flights book in 2020 and was SO READY to jump on the plane thinking I’m part of the safe population and most of this is a circus (although not a fan of conspiracy theories either, I’m still not).  I always believed though this is only attacking the vulnerable, the sick or the elderly person. I never believed the media for telling us completely the truth behind younger & less young people’s deaths but life humbled me down in no time.

As I read through the article, I read the symptoms that strangely I have been carrying for months with no diagnosis and reduced my life to a zombie sometimes unable to walk, talk or sit normally without feeling im about to pass out from breath difficulties and stomach pressure. These symptoms almost killed me and have been present for about 5 months now. As I read the article, I’m in shock. I freak out and wanted to go the hospital ASAP to check my vital organs because after reading the story, as I came up now with the diagnosis: Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome – MIS. Usually, MIS is only present in children but recently, the biggest discovery, is that the Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome is also present in adults -this is a very recent finding (January 2021, Im unable to find previous testimonials on it before it (for adults)).

What is Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome or MIS?

MIS is an inflammatory syndrome that we find mainly in children as I said – now we find evidence they exist as well in younger adults and adults- and consists in mild to severe symptoms such as multiorgan damage, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, heart racing, low blood pressure (close to fainting or literally fainting), or above normal blood pressure, headaches, blurred vision, blurred cognitive functions, extreme fatigue, chest pain / heaviness, breathing difficulties, exercise intolerance, temperature variation/fever on and off, skin rushes, stomach /digestive system pain, liver inflammation, puffy eyes, conjunctives, etc. (CDC Gov)

We also call this syndrome Post-accute Covid19 syndrome, long covid or Kawasaki Illness symptoms.

You can have all of them at once or only some, in my case all of them apply but I didn’t have skin rushes and I had the LBP-very low blood pressure (not the high) 90/60; the only thing that curiously worried my *amazing* doctor actually and made her consider taking me immediately to the hospital. (I declined because I have a history of LBP and I just thought I had another crisis, although since my teenage years it hadn’t been so severe). Given that all beds were taken at the hospital, with dying covid patients, it thought it was a good idea to decline anyway.

We still don’t have all the data out there and there’s still a long way to go to understand the damages this illness can cause, but having all these symptoms checked like this, it was simply incredible.

First time in months I read something that spells out all my difficulties and now you can ask me : 1)how come google didn’t suggest info about this when searching for my symptoms and 2)didn’t you know that covid can leave these symptoms? I have no idea for the first question apart for the possible lack of documentation still prevalent not boosting this info yet (unless you search specifically “long covid”- which I didn’t think I had because I didn’t have the super obvious symptoms nor a test done. More info for these questions below.

I HAD COVID TWICE (at least) BUT DIDN’T KNOW IT TIL LATE

First time, it was in December 2019. My work was in an international school with a large Wuhan student population and the semester packed with students had started in September 2019. Evidence shows today after numerous local investigations, that the pandemic existed already in Wuhan, in fall 2019 if not before so in Switzerland we must have been the first exposed- my state became the no1 in cases and later the country became amongst the Top 3 most infected countries.

500 students in a small bubble school with no room at the food court, winter season, students not wearing masks and coming sick with fever to cook for their hospitality classes (and serving us (the staff and students)) I used to see them almost every day. My office was close to the infirmary so I was assisting these ones to find their way.  I fell sick starting with an aggressive coughing that lasted 2 weeks and prevented me to sleep at night (especially when laying down), fever for 3-4 days and a 10 days sick leave as it crashed me pretty badly thinking I never had such a bad ‘flu’ in my live to take a 10 days sick leave. Back to work I had lost my voice and the coughing continued for another week at least.

A few months later when the world became more aware about it, I joined the dots and understood that I had gotten it already. In that hot bubble, I’m surprised I lasted 2 months though. I usually disinfect my hands all the time so I must have caught it otherwise.

Anyhow, about the second time now. Second time, must have been a completely different version because seemingly I was asymptomatic or slightly symptomatic, that’s why I didn’t take a test nor go to the hospital. I was feverish very lightly on and off and had a runny nose (still going on now for months), like I caught a cold or something. Muscle pain and fatigue was there, but hey nothing to worry about.

And then, the symptoms developed in a weird way, starting with liver pain, fainting, gallbladder inflammation (presence of bilirubin in blood tests), upper belly ache, kidney pain, back pain, uterus pain, passing out when walking or standing up, very dizzy, and heart racing. They settled in over time, making doctors confused & speculative about it trying on me all sorts of treatments.

My first visit was in emergency to the gynecologist because I suddenly felt like a lower belly attack on my ovaries and uterus. All the lower part inflammated, especially when standing up or moving position. All tests were clear, he got no clue what’s going on. He mentioned ‘intestines sensitivity’ and gave me some naturopathy drops. I almost passed out when walking out his cabinet, but I was supposedly ‘fine’.

Then to my GP doctor. She took my temperature, it was a bit high but not alarming to her just yet and did a body consultation, my pain was acute in the upper abdomen part this time and constant in my right lower back (especially at night). Blood tests came out ‘normal’ (despite an intoxication with Vb12 because I had taken too many drops apparently thinking I was Vb12 deficient due to extreme fatigue symptoms which I tried to compensated with more Vb12 (I’m plant based eater). This didn’t seem to worry her at all so she concluded that I must be passing kidney stones (responsible generally for giving pain across all abdominal organs and lowerback) and prescribed a ton of strong pain killers mix.

Back home things didn’t get better with pain killers and breathing difficulties intensified. I couldn’t return to her office as she as full with covid cases and felt too fragile to be in that setting, so we had a phone call. She said then that “it must be stress-based or long covid symptoms but it’d be too late to go do a test 2 months after the first symptoms.

So I sucked it up and relied on myself only to get better. I have been failed by doctors SO MANY times in my life that at that point I couldn’t trust the medical body anymore. How can anyone trust them when they are so clueless but act as if they know? And you pay the bill for their experiments on you- more on that in a special article as there’s lots to say).

After 3 months of these on & off symptoms, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE

About 3 months after my first emergency doctor visit (I had 3 emergency visits in total with no conclusive outcome), and trying to help myself get better through on & off symptoms (but still inability to walk medium to long distances or do any type of exercise as usually that would trigger even more all my vital organs inflammation), one day, I became suddenly out of breath and couldn’t breathe anymore. It was a chilled Saturday, I was doing nothing to trigger it and I was in a calm state. Every air intake seemed inefficient suddenly and my heart was racing more and more. I opened the window to catch a deep breath of fresh air; it didn’t work. I tried to regulate my breathing; it didn’t work. I couldn’t catch my breath. I panicked. I called my mum and told her to take me to the hospital NOW.

I kept her on the phone for some reason, maybe because I was not ready to go the hospital. I was not ready to die. I had a mental blockage. A huge fear. A death anticipation and apprehension of being locked up in quarantine there and never come back.  Just like me friends had. Their story traumatized me (well families’ accounts). So in that panic, all I was thinking is that my house was a mess for those who would clean it after I died, that I couldn’t leave right now, not like that, I “didn’t do my luggage”, I was saying! Don’t ask me, no idea what that meant, but I felt I had to pack some luggage for the trip (symbolically speaking), you just don’t leave like that, do you?

At that point I really didn’t want to go the hospital. I’d rather die home. Near loved ones. I don’t want to be killed by respirators and quarantined away from any human contact – well that’s a killing accelerator, isn’t it?

I started to pray and call in for divine help. Soon after that, miraculously, my breathing became better, the heaviness on the chest lightened up and I soon fell asleep. Next day I was fine. I was still in disbelief of what happened and SO VERY GRATEFUL to still be alive, home and have another chance to ‘make by baggage’ & be ready for an expected trip.

RECOVERY FACILATATED BY MANY IMPORTANT FACTORS

I noticed in this long illness journey that some things were helping and making a difference and some others didn’t. So I capitalized on those that helped and did more of them. These can help you too but each one of us is built differently and may need to find their own recipe in the healing journey. I will state here what helped me and I’m sure a couple of things at least with help you too. You can at least try them.

Reminder: *This is not medical advice and I’m not a doctor. This is my own personal experience only. If you experience these type of symptoms please seek immediate medical help and do all the tests. There are inflammation markers in the blood that can be detected and the medical treatment involves immunoglobines and glucocorticosteroids (generally use for Kawasaki)*

• CBD OIL

This one was my no1 life savior. Infinitely more efficient than strong pain killers and anti-inflammatory medication. It alleviated my symptoms especially in the first weeks of the symptoms. It made it bearable to talk and walk a bit without passing out. I live in Switzerland and here CBD is legal under 1% THC. I took a couple of drops a day without THC at all, try it out. CBD oil had so many benefits that I can’t event start here. It’s a miracle naturopathy medication but shuuu, pharma doesn’t want you to know this (again no medical advice here).

• NATUROPATHY for my Stomach inflammation. I took IBEROBLAST 10 drops after a meal to ease the digestion aggravating symptoms and it made a big difference.  (Any phytotherapy tint you’d take for Irritable Bowel Syndrome basically).

• ENERGY CONTROL

As everything is Energy and illness is blocked energy in the body, we need to allow the natural smooth flow back into our bodies. For this, we unblock congested places intentionally, physically, mentally and spiritually with different healing techniques that involve energy work.

I found QI GONG to be to most efficient and yoga (even light yin yoga) to be the least efficient (even aggravating). Qi Qong is a form of Thai QI, slow conscious movement practice that focuses on different organs & pressure points. We guide our attention and movements so it releases blockages through coordinated breath and awareness. Mixing it with meditation on the 3 energy points that we call dantiens), making space for its going on and sending signals of peace & full acceptance, with a inner cosmic smile are literally miracle practices. Nothing worked more than combining these two, so I highly recommended it. There are many times of Qi Qong, I advise you to use the softer and most traditional techniques, that feel extremely natural and effortless when you are doing them. You want to do some movement to regulate the inner energy and not stress the body at the same time. You go mindfully into it.

This will not only result into physical improvement but also mental and emotional improvement which play a massive part in healing.

• BREATH CONTROL

Learn to breath deep and slow and help the lungs to function to their full capacity. I used forceful breathing (rapid belly breaths to empty my lower lungs at max and also slower breath to encourage fluid oxygenation. You also want a straight spine and not bend over or squeeze your belly, you want to open the abdomen as much as possible to ease the inflammation and not press against it.  

• MIND CONTROL

I cannot emphasize enough the role of your thoughts in generating a favorable body state for self-regulation and healing. Thoughts create emotions, emotions create a vibrational state in the body that either boosts your immune system / response or impairs it. You are in control of what signals you want to send to your body and how you talk to it and feel about it ability to WORK WITH YOU. In the second chapter of my book FREEDOM PATHS – On your Body- I tell a story about how I literally came back to life by controlling my thinking and my emotions (and breathing as a result) and regained consciousness. You must learn to work with your body in a mindfully way making room for what’s there and sending encouraging thoughts just like you would do with a baby who hurt itself. Obviously fear creates tension so you don’t want to go against the flow but kindly WITH it.

• POSTURE

Different postures helped.

Sleeping on the belly for some reason felt better.

During the day when you get out of breath, kneel down, come forward, lift your bum and put ur head down on your hands. 2/3 of the oxygen used by the lungs is stored in the lower lungs part. I read a testimonial of someone who made it out of severe pneumonia at the hospital by being lifted by the legs, head down and left in this position for a while (this is not known or common practice in the medical world apparently). This was according to him life-saving because his lungs were full of fluids and destined to die. The link of the video where he commented is here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J0d59dd-qM&t=28s

• SOCIAL & ENVIROMENTAL CONTROL

A toxic, full of stress, discord or agitated people will make it obviously worse. But we SO OFTEN underestimate social and environmental factors. An anxiety-raising environment weakens our own defense mechanisms and floods the body with detrimental stress hormones that causes significant damage over time. We want high frequency surroundings and protect our weak state to give the body the energy it needs to fight back.

• FOODS CONTROL

Some foods that are known to cause inflammation and digestion difficulties such as animal products, gluten, processed foods and sugar will make it worse as well. I rarely eat these but when I do, I have a massive liver & stomach attack that can last for days affecting all the other already inflammated organs! So juices, fresh veggies, plant based stuff (some beans can be harmful), low fat and low sugar, unprocessed foods are GREAT.

• REST

Chronic fatigue will be around and it will be very difficult in the first months even years. I suspect my chronic fatigue became well obvious after my first infection in December 2019. I needed to sleep over 10 hours at least daily and was so incredibly drained generally; you simply need to allow your body that. You need to let it rest, recover and sleep as much as it needs. It helps when you are your own boss or work from home, as you can more fully self-care. If you have a demanding job, family or children you really need to delegate for some time otherwise you will not be able to help any longer or never again. Its that serious.

• LIGHT EXCERISE

I was so scared not to be able to be fit again, that I started to push myself a little intuitively knowing that if I don’t do so, I will never be able again to come back to previous fitness levels. And I was right because apparently that’s what we need to do officially. But in my discovery and learning process, I made big mistakes and often triggered more inflammation and passing out moments that almost killed me, because of my impatience and underestimation of what was going on (example :doing the yoga candle or the bridge, that seem sort of harmless but hell they are!-or walking for more than 15 min.) You need to go step by step with increasing difficultly and challenge and not push your lungs, ever! Its very dangerous and I did that (a little yoga session) a day before dying almost and wanting to go the Emergency Care Unit.

• WATER

Water drinking, almost all the time, had massive beneficial effects. 2 liters at least per day in the form of ginger lemon teas, green tea and filtered water (I use zerowater* filters as they remove ALL toxins in the water).

USING INTUITION or PSYCHIC SKILLS AS LIFE SAVIOURS

Now, this part is not for everyone. Some are advanced on their spiritual journey or do not even want to get in touch with their intuition and some will be highly critical of what I will tell, so they better skip this part.

For those who know me and read me often, you know my IndigoPsychology channel is about Spirituality and tapping into your Intuition and Inner knowing. It also talks about energy work, tarot reading and psychic abilities. Well that’s what Indigos are about. They are in touch with the invisible world and with their intuition and read & feel things very deeply around them.

When you are sick these abilities are impaired for obvious energetical reasons and you don’t read things properly. You are also scared and so tired that you can barely read your mind messages leave alone intuitive, subtle, outside messages.

But at the same time, the body being more sensitive and the mind working less, you can listen much more and much better with your body.

This is called clairsentience. This is what helped me the most to get answers for my illness. I used my body as a channel to receive and react to certain questions when faced with a truthful answer, tarot card or hidden words that I put upside down on a sticky note so I don’t get influenced by the answer or my own projection and fears, but by my body signals who already knows.

If you are a hypersensitive person as per Dr Aaron Research, you can use this tool to your GREAT ADVANTAGE AND IN MIRACULOUS WAYS! I 100% MEAN IT.

A technique that I intuitively developed it’s the upside-down answers panel reading. You write a few options as answers, ask your question in a genuine heart-felt way, and you exclusively let your body react to it. You need to be as neutral as possible and trust that the body will give you some reaction. For some, these ‘reactions’ are so full of information that they will be able to see images as well or the hidden answer with all the panel of emotional that it brings, before turning them and reading them. For others, the hand will slightly shake or you’ll feel an electrical impulsion through your hand and body when you put your hand above it.

The practice of meditation includes knowing to listen to your body and notice the subtle changes without wanting to change them but invite them more, making space for them with a curious and welcoming spirit.  You do the same with the tarot cards you lay down or the notes you put upside down.

So, I started with putting a bunch of options for what would help me, what I needed to do, what type of tests we needed to do to dig deeper and each and every time I had the right answers. First of all, I know they are RIGHT because I do 2-3 validations and I repeat the reading to see if I have the same answers consistently or the same cards/ written notes coming out. Second, because I see the results when I follow that advice.

The main reason I didn’t go for a test or to the hospital when I was to my lowest (except my distrust towards the medical world & my body knowledge) is that I consistenly channled messages and cards that guided me alllll the way through. For example, in my panick moments:

1. I was told to “have faith”, “Healing energy is on the way”, and that “I know what I need to do”
2. And that I’m “on the right way”, “not to worry” and “heath is improving” and ‘patience’ is required as all things happen in ‘Divine Order’

Out of 55 card decks, what are the chances that these same cards jump out all the time?! It just an example.

I made my own cards with specific questions that I had, and man, did they came out in the most accurate way (validated in the next days)- I ‘ll pass the thousands of examples I have with this practice today to focus on the main subject.

But another example that was truly astonishing is when my doctor wanted me to do a CT scan, I refused 4 times. I was sure it would be harmful to me sensitive energy filed and they wouldn’t see anything. I just KNEW it. You know these things when you practice meditation and inner listening at lot. It becomes easy flowy knowledge.

I later found out, when google it, that CT scans are the worse radiation source out there. 100x the normal radio you take to see if you broke a bone. 100x ! I also found out that over 20 scans ( I say 3 at most) in a lifetime, it becomes a serious cancer risk (or significantly increased risk) according to the American Association of Radiologists. If the professionals themselves say it, and they make a living of that, you cut by 50 % at least their statements as a decent safety practice. Anyhow, regardless of all this, I asked if I had to do this to help my doctor find out what’s going on and if my lungs and belly was ok with no structural or obvious markers for anomalies. The answer was 10 times : BIG NO. DO NOT. NOT FOR YOU. And RECONSIDER. I mean all cards were consistently giving me the same CLEAR MESSAGE.

So what do you do? You thank, Spirit and Respect the guidance. So I skipped the scan (for the 4^th time) and asked for an IRM instead. (Harmless, sound based only). When I got to the scan center, the radiologist said: “ok, if you insist will do an IRM”. But when I was put on the rolling table, with a medical cloth on all ready to go in, I asked distrustfully: “Is this an IRM machine?” she said awkwardly bumbling her words: “Humm, no, this is a ….a CT scan” with a big *innocent* casual smile and a red embarrassed face.

I lost it: I stood up and went mad. ‘I said an IRM not a CT scan! What are you thinking!” she basically tried to put me on a CT scan because” it takes only 5 min vs an IRM 2 to 3 hours, what’s the problem? This is also very precise and better for you and what you have…” I lost it at these justifying words again.

They decided what’s best for them time wise, money wise and health wise. I walked out telling her to be ashamed of herself for betraying clients and radiating, if not killing them, so easily for time & costs effective methods. I told her that I knew there’s a lifetime limit for CT scans and she should first CHECK the patients didn’t already reach that limit, but they never ever cared. Each scan increases your chances to develop cancer. This is official information. Especially of the upper body where vital organs are, because they reproduce faster that other parts of the body so they can transfer the modified radiated DNA much faster into the body. To be taken seriously!

I already had over 7 CT scans in my life and my body cant take more, I know it. Other things keep radiating us so we should stay away as much as possible of unnecessary CT scans if NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE of course.

 When you see what happened with this radiology center, who tried to sneakily have me on a CT scan, you understand the big warning. As soon as I walked out of there, my chest pain lifted, I wasn’t puffed out, I didn’t feel like passing out or vomit, I was kind of normal. Yet I was very mad ! but my body vanished the handicaps very impressively after I threw my medical cloths at them and told my truth.

This is to me the Reward you get when you follow your OWN INNER VOICE and respect yourself, your intuition and the messages you get from Spirit. I mean, that was the ultimate test of faith choosing “ those” who guided & helped me a life time, versus the medical ‘experts’ who supposedly “want the best for you”. Validation people, validation….

Never ever underestimate the power of Spirit /God/Energy Source/Universe/Life Force/QI/Intuition/Inner Knowing or whatever you want to call it. Look beyond the physical world and learn to read the Energy world in & out and it will significantly change not only your heath but your whole life.

Conclusion

Multisystem Inflamaroy Syndrome is a serious condition. You may have no ovious covid symptoms and still develop a ‘long covid’ form that it can range from mild to extreme, so this should be monitored closely and treated early. You need to push your own intuition through and demand doctors to test deeply without accepting their speculative approach on you and put you on differnet sets of medication hoping it will work.

While CT scans can be helpful in the diagnostic process for any illness, make a count of how many you had and do not hestitate to ask for IRM as alternatives even if they push you to CT scans for any reason out there. IRMs are as good (even if not as detailed) to point out any abnomalie in the organs so there’s no reason to pass it.

Work with your body and get to KNOW your body. The more you do so, the more it will show you how to help it. You alone are the expert of your own body and no one can know it as well as you. Journal on it, meditate, be curious about its limits, sensitivties, sublte daily messages that guide you to waht you really need to be efficient. This will lead you to develop your intuition as well and work more effeciently with doctors by directing them in the right direction.

The virus mutates, new varients and responses appear and we still know very little about it. Rmain cautious. Even if vaccines are distrubuted massivaly, treat them as a partial possible protection but dont get your defenses down. I have always been mindful with hygene and often desingest my hands but obviously we need extra caution. As a collective we will evolve in a new & better direction as a result of this pandemic sharing my experince is not meant to alarm or depress you but to empower you to take your power back, discover your body and hopefully connect more strongly with your intuition. Stay safe, be well.

A psychological and pragmatic approach – Covid 19 relevant

Introduction

In these times many of us may suffer from different types of grief. 

If we look at the definition of grief, we can define grief as the psychological-emotional experience following a loss of any kind (relationship, status, job, studying plans, home habits/comfort, game, income, etc). 

Bereavement is a more specific type of grief related to someone dying.

Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing and stressful life events (Holmes and Raheand, 1970). Unfortunately, it is also one of the most common experiences we face as human beings. Nevertheless, most people experience normal bereavement with a period of sorrow, numbness, at times guilt and anger, but gradually these feelings ease and move towards full acceptance and recovery.

In this article we will look at 3 myths about grief, the main psychological stages of grieving, and how to offer support to those around us in these confusing and exceptional times where the comfort and the emotional support is particularly needed.

We will look more specifically at how we can offer support in 3 type of situations: in general experiences/perceptions of loss and related sadness, in the case someone we know has lost a closed one, and finally when complex grief occurs (because of underlying psychological factors, forced social isolation or inability to say goodbye for example which is commonly the case during covid19 crisis).

Three myths about grieving

Myth #1: Grief is an emotion.

Given that grief occurs in some of the most painful situations anyone can imagine, we generally associate it with depression. A common misconception is that it is simply a feeling that comes and goes. In reality, grief is a process that is composed of several emotions like sadness, ager, grief, shock, relief and sometimes the absence of emotions, (denial/numbness) which are normal, can all occur simultaneously, and in no specific order at all.

2. Myth #2: Grief (treating, expressing, showing or talking about it) is bad.

Researchers and psychologists recognize the grief process not only healthy but necessary (Zisook & Shear, 2009).

the process involves ajutement to change and we know it can take significant time to adjust to what has occurred by exploring essential questions such as: “Who am I without my loss? How would my loved one want me to feel? How can I best honor their memory?”

 Many grief experts believe that one of the functions of grief is to provide an opportunity for us to answer questions like these, ultimately allowing us to honor loved ones and come naturally to acceptance and healthy integration.

Myth #3: There is a right way to grieve.

as we will see further, there are 5 stages to grief (sometimes broken down into 7), however these stages do not always imply a specific order. some can spend a significant time in the first stage of denial and others can reach the last stage of acceptance quite rapidly. We can likewise, move from stage 4 to 2 and come back to 4, we can skip stages, repeat stages, or even experience emotions not captured in the original five.

Since the order is irrelevant and the process very specific and personal for each individual we cannot expect a timeline, an order or a specific pattern of grieving.

Hence, it is important not to force yourself to fit someone else’s idea of what grief should look like.

The Stages of Grief

As discussed previously, everyone grieves differently. Despite a model of 7 stages, as stated previously, some will not experience all stages, a particular order or a specific way of displaying the emotions through the process.

Some individuals will wear their emotions “on their sleeve” and be outwardly emotional, talkative or explicit about what they need including reaching out for support.

Others will experience grief more internally, may not cry, may not even look sad or act “in a depressed way”. it it important not to judge how a person experiences grief, nor underestimate the impact of a loss, no matter what coping mechanisms they display.

when it comes to grief, there are also cultural differences to take into account. Some cultures embrace death, grief, and loss as a celebration and a normal part of life. Traditions may honor openly death with ceremonies, families or religious rituals which often allow to grieve in a community spirit and healthily, without the need to suppress or deny the pain. Such customs help in easing suffering to some degree. 

When helping someone coping with grief, it may be helpful to be curious about personal traditions, customs and beliefs and help them incorporate these in finding meaning and customs that are helpful in giving and making sense of such losses. Although regular funerals procedures vary by country in the context of covi19 pandemic, for example it is common to be unable to burry someone as per tradition requirements, the philosophy behind and a later ceremony can be maintained.

Below a brief description of each stage / phase one can go when grieving.

1. Shock & Denial & Isolation

This is the first reaction when finding out the news. We can tell ourselves things like: “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” which is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming news.

Denial is common defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss, numbing our emotions. We may hide from the facts, block words or refuse that conversation.

2. Anger

As reality starts to emerge, we may be faced with Anger. At objects, at ourselves or at deceased loved one for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

we may choose to direct anger towards ourselves or towards doctors, towards government measures, towards someone we think may have contributed to the death (example contaminated with the virus or acted too late)

While doctors can seem a good target for relieving such overwhelming emotions, it is important to know that despite the fact that health professionals deal with death on a daily basis, this doesn’t make them immune to suffering or to what we call vicarious trauma (the indirect trauma that occurs as a result of being exposed, as a helping professional, to difficult experiences, images or stories in the process of helping).

3. Bargaining

“what if I had…” or “if they only hadn’t done this…”are typical reflections that try to postpone and deal with the inevitable reality. We may try to entertain beliefs about something we or others could have done differently to save the loved one. But in the end, things will not change and cannot replace the loss.

4. Depression

Sadness and regret characterize this type of depression. We worry that we have not spent enough time or helped the loved ones before the separation. we grieve not being able to say goodbye and ‘I love you’. These type of concerns are worthwhile exploring, discussing and clarifying via the support we can offer (see the tips below) or professional counselling.

5. Acceptance

This stage may not be accessible to everyone as anger and denial can linger when sudden/traumatic death occurred for example, and led to complex grief as explained further below. 

it is important to know that this is not a period of happiness but is distinguishable form depression in the way that some sense of being able to function again, have hope for the future and inner peace is mostly reached.

while coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and intimate experience — nobody can make it easier for us as such or understand all our intimate emotions and processes, however we can accompany and comfort others through this process and offer our time and compassionate presence so they can allow themselves to feel it and eventually overcome it. 

How to support someone dealing with grief

Supporting someone with a Perception / Experience of loss (job, finances, status, habits etc)

Since grief is a subjective and very personal experience, losing something that is not a closed one but rather a situation, an object or a position that has been beneficial to us so far, can also cause suffering, take one on a grief process and force them to adjust to this new and sudden change. The following actions can be taken to smooth someone’s experience and be there for them when needed:

1. Help them understand the process of grief. You can share the infographic with them (or this article) and validate their experience by showing them you understand what it means and how it can affect someone.
2. You can display this type of understanding further by sharing your own experiences of loss and how you felt. If they are similar type of losses (ex jobs), it is best.
3. Accept there’s no right or wrong way to grieve and that there are no things that are more worthy than others to grieve upon. This attitude helps being in a non-judgmental space and a compassionate presence.
4. Ask them to clarify their specific needs in the moment and later on. What can you do to help them.
5. Check in with them often. It takes time to come to acceptance and motivation to start again or adapt and persevere, so show up at later moments too.
6. Remind them you are there if they need to talk (without forgetting to check in for news regularly, which confirms your availability to be there and genuine caring)
7. Offer them contacts of persons who might help them, answer their questions or concerns or professional help such as personal contacts, career counselling, coaching or therapy counselling. Offer concrete help in clarifying their situation and plans for worse case scenarios. Have the contacts handy.
8. Do not offer advice on how to deal with things.
9. Be a listening ear and refrain from trying to ”fixing it”, make them feel better, offer advice, solutions unless they ask you specifically.
10. You may feel awkward in a first place or not strong enough to offer an emotional presence because of your own circumstances. Its ok, respect this and do not force yourself to be a support if you are struggling with your own grief. Express how you feel (powerless or sorry for not being of better help). Honesty helps actually more than pretending we are strong and ok (and possible making mistakes or creating misunderstandings).
11. Do not distance yourself from them. Do not assume they need to be left in peace or that you would disturb them when reaching out. Keep doing the usual things with them (or scheduled things), it’s important.
12. Offer an activity to do together, example watch an online movie /streaming, take walks together. A list of inspirational and life-changing movies can be found here and another one here.
13. Be patient. Their behavior will not be the usual you know, be understanding and try not to take things personally.

Supporting someone with Complex Grief (CG)

Complex or complicated grief is a type of grief where symptoms linger or get worse over time instead of easing and leading to acceptance (normal grief process).

This type of grief can occur more particularly when we have troubles carrying out normal routines, isolate from others and withdraw from social activities (forced or chosen) or when we have been unable to say goodbye which are circumstances usually brought up by covid19 sanitary crisis.

Complex grief can also happen when we present with underlying psychological difficulties (such as depression or anxiety disorders) which can impede, postpone or aggravate the healthy grieving process. other characteristics of complex grief include experiences beliefs that we did something wrong (or could have prevented the death), struggling to find meaning to life without the loved one or as a consequence of losing them.

The importance of specialized and adequate and professional treatment is vital. Complicated grief usually responds well to a specific psychotherapy and is best when administered in combination with antidepressant medication as demonstrated in this study (ZISOOK & SHEAR, 2009). We can therefore encourage and accompany the person we want to support to take steps towards medical /psychiatric assistance or counselling. Besides the tips we suggested above we can add the following actions Do-s and DO NOT-s that are more relevant for traumatic or complex grief. 

                        √ DO-s

1. Help them connect with a group -counselling service designed for bereavement. Studies show that community-based group-therapy are effective in the long term and are highly suitable for Complex Grief (CG) situations. (Newsome et all, 2017). Covid19-specific services dedicated to families or survivors may also exist in your local area, strive to find the information from health authorities near you.
2. Ask questions about the circumstances of the loss. Help them debrief if you can and explore the timeline of the tragedy. Last time they saw the deceased and after their death what did they do, what happened, etc – this brings them out of confusion although they may be highly anticipated questions for the person who asks.
3. Listen and share memories. Doing so helps confirming the depth of their grief and keeps the love alive. Memories about their loved ones or your own memories and how you survived a loss.
4. Avoid stereotyped statements such as: “Time heals all wounds” or “They are in a better place”. Research showed that they are not only unhelpful but can be extremely irritating to hear.
5. Grievers may feel at times that by enjoying their life, they are betraying their lost loved one. They may refuse grief to end as a result, and feed maladaptive behaviors and belief that are typical of CG. Challenging their beliefs may be useful.
6. Be an example yourself of someone who survived loss by talking about your experience. This demonstrates that grief is survivable and we can connect to life, hope and motivation over time.
7. Offer your time well beyond the loss has occurred. In CG, grief process last over a year and can became more heavy; when loneliness, missing the person and adjusting to change become settle in their reality.
8. Grievers prefer helpers to check in with them often rather than being told’ if you need anything, I am there’. Reach out and show up as often as you can.
9. If talking about things is still difficult or complicated offer them a chance to write to you. Writing process allows them to separate themselves from the pain, understand better their emotions, slow down the mind and process things in a more objective way. New perspectives and insights come out as a result of journaling or writing/texting to someone.
10. Grief is not only about dealing with the separation. It is also about seeking ways to maintain a sense of connection with the deceased. This is called grief integration as opposed to grief ” recovery “(as we do not usually recover or move on but integrate the loss and make it part of our growth journey). The connection can be maintained by thinking of ways to honor their life (by embodying they values and legacy for example) or by sharing memories of them with others regularly, lighting candles, going to the cemetery, or creating a special box with cherished symbols/objects that described the connection. Help them create a tangible ritual that can honor the loved one and maintain this sense of connection beyond the limits of reality and time.
11. Suggest a letter to the deceased and ask them to think what would they respond if they were “here”.
12. Offer practical help if necessary. Example do their admin, do a few calls for them, take the notes of classes, etc. Shock freezes the nervous system and makes us unable to attend to the basic needs, thrive to find out how you can help pragmatically.
13. Offer to attend the ceremony and to be notified when it will be organized- it is highly appreciated
14. Support and respect their cultural or spiritual beliefs and help them find meaning in their set of beliefs.
15. Don’t be afraid to make them laugh (as well)! Grief doesn’t have to be a serious and sad process all along.  Relativizing helps bring hope and remind the versatility and colourfulness of life. Offer enjoyable activities and respect their mood at that moment in time.

DO NOT-s

Do not state plenitudes such as:

“You’ll be ok, mate”

“Time heals all wounds”

“They are in a better place”

These statements although well intended, often fail to honor the depth of grief. While harmless for some, they can be more painful for others. Likewise, thrive to go beyond the ‘Sincere Condolences’ statement and use more meaningful ways to support as discussed in this article.

Do not avoid them.

Keep the contact with them as usual. They need you to show up possibly more than ever, so do stick around and be proactive as much as you can. We may often assume they need time and space, and that we may disturb. Research shows it is often not the case. Most givers prefer to know others stay around and keep reaching out.

Do not stop them crying.

Crying is a normal response to grief and sadness is a normal emotion. It is important to allow others (and ourselves) to grieve and be ok with tears and sadness, as they are healthy coping mechanisms and need to be normalized and respected.

Do not compare.

As discussed above, grieving a very individual process and cannot be compared with your responses or other people’s responses. Honor the uniqueness of each response and allow yourself to be unique and authentic in the expression of your sadness, feelings or impact this death may cause on you as well. Showing our humanity often helps in the most unexpected ways.

Don’t stop talking about it.

Do not be afraid to ask how they are feeling about the loss after you discussed the first time. It is usually reassuring to know we remember and follow up with things that matter. The subject does not have to remain taboo, on the contrary.

Conclusion

Losing someone is the most difficult human experience one can undergo. Knowing how to respond to losses for ourselves and for others is important in order to maintain a spirit of community and solidarity with each other, especially needed in times of sanitary and economic crisis like these.

Shocking and distressing events like grief, give us an opportunity to show up for each other, practice and cultivate the essential core values we thrive to embody such as compassion, patience, loyalty, team playing, genuine care and practical support.

In some ways, by allowing ourselves to grieve our possible losses, with a self-nurturing approach, we allow others to do so as well. A good starting point is to start practising this with ourselves in the process of meeting unprecedented challenges, concerns about the future, social and emotional isolation.

“The only constant is change. No matter how bad the situation is, do not worry, it will change. Nothing is permanent.” Buddha

In existential therapy, grief or the idea of death is explored as one of the 4 ultimate concerns of human beings. Yalom Irwin founded the existential therapy after Frankl’s existentialist philosophy – concentration camp survivor and psychiatrist. In 1980, Yalom defined the 4 ultimate human existential concerns that will always preoccupy one’s mind at one point in life: authenticity (or freedom of choice), death, the search for meaning and (existential) isolation (we are all ultimately alone in our subjective experience).

The goal for the death theme exploration in existential therapy is to raise awareness of the very reality of death so we can assess our priorities and lives accordingly, and live more fulfilling lives.  We can like wisely create space for these reflections outside therapy and grow from each experience.